VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiriwasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta ch 5

So this is the end, to the one I’ve Tl-ed, you could check the continuation on the other group who seriously pick thi series. here

5. Solo stream

“Awlright, time for stweaaam!”


: Here she come━━━━ (゚ ∀ ゚) ━━━━ !!

: So, this is No.1 stream in the world!

: Stweaamm? Right from the start? lol

: Eh? Who are you?

: It’s the opening and she’s drunk already, kusa

: Is this the live stream of the strong snowstorm I heard in rumors?

: Perhaps she’s a professional wrestler?

: I can’t feel she learn from her mistake at all ww

The comment section flowed at a speed I’ve never seen before.

Aaah, Tis is good! This pleasant feeling is the same as when I drink the third can of STZERO. [TN: well, she drank 2 the day before…]

“No, I really learned from my mistake. I’m serious. I’ll end my stream properly from now on! I’m sorry to everyone!”


: Hmm? Did the person behind change? Even though it’s an avatar I know, a different person is speaking!

: I guess, she got possessed?

: Confirm possessed, by STZERO

: At that that time when she suddenly called herself a sommelier even though, she’s just an alcoholic! The moment when she opened the can of STZERO and start spouting some remarks about underground empire made me burst into laughter

: Haven’t you reflected regarding the alcohol?

“Of course I was going to stop drinking. But the management doesn’t seem to be angry anymore, so whatever!”


: The management is sick in the head

: As usual, lol. Well, I guess since the management is chaos, even their VTuber are also chaos

: In conclusion, Live-On was Live-On

: Well, aren’t she drunk already?

“Haah? Of course. I finished one can already, ya know? If I’m sober, I don’t dare to come out in front of such a large number of people, after all, I have a shitty smallfry mental, ya know. Time for a long can.”



: Push! It’s not wwwwww

: Shitty smallfry mental (Seiso)

: She’s strong (Conviced)

: Oi, she’s really started drinking! ww

Right when my head started to stopped working, I gave a final blow with a water from the long can.

Aaaah, perfect!

GULP, GULP, GULP!  Mmmmmahhh, so gooooood!!!”


: Hmm? Are you perhaps drinking something that you shouldn’t do (drugs)?

: Well, I’m sure of it

: The sound when she was drinking made me want one too, but I’m back to reality when she starts speaking with a strange voice after that.

: The first time she drank when she’s streaming was because she forgot to end the stream, can you believe it?

: Return my ‘Seiso’ Awayuki-chan!

“Haah? I’m Seiso though? See this gentle and graceful expression carefully!”

I zoomed the face of my avatar, Awayuki. It was what they called, ‘Gachi-koi’ distance. [TN: which mean, it’s a distance where without a doubt will make your heart beats and fall in love.]

Up until now, it was mostly wonderful comments like ‘cute’ or ‘pretty’,



: A STZERO addict who thinks that she herself is ‘Seiso’

: You just reek of alcohol

: Didn’t her stream always pleasant talks in the tone of a young lady until just before this stream? Well, well…

The comment section, which was mostly people’s agonizing cries, was too interesting for me now.

Ah, I’ve always enjoying streaming, but maybe today the most fun stream I ever did.

Aaah, thank you STZERO … You’re not only heal me but also give me happiness…

I think, I fell in love.

“I’m going to marry STZERO”


: Kusa www

: Huh?

: What?

: Is there really a VTuber who declared marriage during stream?

: A woman who can only make legends

: Do you have any explanation about ‘Dochashiko’ that you said to Hikari-chan?

“Haah?  my favorite is someone who is pure and ignorant, ya know? If you don’t ‘Mas***bate’ to it, you’re being rude, ya know.”


: Oi, someone closes her mouth quickly! Every time she opens her mouth, a bomb comes out!

: I’ll FA* to it (For sure)

: Ahh, my stomach hurts www

“Rather, if you are a man, you should do it on the spot when you are attracted to a woman. Ya know, women like a straight and honest man.”


: Good point

: No way www

: Then, when I meet Awayuki-san, I will FA* right away without hesitation!

“No, don’t do that. I’ll report you, ya knwow.”


: What’s wrong with this girl

: It seems there’s no filter in her head, she just talks whatever came to her brain

After that, I continued chatting with such tension for a while.

My stream felt completely different from before. 

I was gradually fascinated by the indescribable sense of liberation, and my heartfelt laughter, which was not just a fake laugh, increased.

Aaaah, working at that black company for too long and my NEET life made me forgot that talking to someone else was such a fun thing …

I was also pleased with the comment section where the tension gradually increased over time….

The direction of the wind suddenly changed.


: Wait a sec, the second generations are coming lol


VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiriwasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta ch 4

4. Viral

“How did it end up like this…”

I muttered unintentionally when I saw the number of viewers waiting for stream at a level where there would be no problem even if I called myself the top VTuber.

I didn’t know how many times I had repeated the same word.

◇ Turn back the time a little ◇

After the case of forgetting to end my stream, I called Suzuki-san to apologize.

It was entirely my responsibility for exposing my ugly side of myself to the world, even though it was triggered by a PC malfunction.

I would not complain even if she were to say that I should take a break for a while, rather I was prepared to correct my inner ‘Oji’ during that period, and I even prepared to not drink my favorite water (STZERO), which had become one with my blood, anymore. [TN: ‘Oji’ means old man, but in this context, it means ’pervert man’, because in japan sometime, old man = people with bad behavior.]


“Ah, I definitely want you to never forget to end your stream again. But it’s okay to drink alcohol.”


What Suzuki-san said was the exact opposite of what I expected.

“Eh? Why are you fine with that? You know what I did right?! It’s a big accident at the level of character change?! It was like Mahatam Gandi has suddenly become the champion of bloody street fights!!”

“No, it was Yuki-san after all, so the higher ups in the company had already assumed this might happen…”


What those people talking about me? It’s true that many Live-On VTubers are said to have a crazy personality as a whole, and Live-On company often said as a hangout place for ‘dangerous’ people, but they really will just let big incident pass like this?

“I mean, wasn’t Yuki-san like that at the time of the interview? Don’t you remember?”

“Ah! What do you mean?! What did I do in the interview ?!”

“Well, don’t you really remember? You left a too strong impact at that time, and even now I feel uncomfortable with Yuki-san, who are like this…”

Even though it’s been about 3 months since the interview?!

“I mean, didn’t you aim for this moment? You pretend to be ‘Seiso’ all this time, so that the gap in your character feel more impactful? I completely thought so you know.”


“But for me, Yuki-san is a mess like Yujiro Han** and Heihachi E.” [TN: Yujiro Hanma from Grappler Baki and Edajima Heihaichi from Sakigake!! Otokojuku]


I didn’t remember what I was doing because of the tension at that time, but what I was doing in such an important situation…Aahh!!!

But with this, I know the reason why I passed the interview.

The guys at Live-On, who interviewed me must thought that I was a super-class dangerous person and found it interesting, so they decided to accept me, yeah, definitely that’s the case!!!

“Well, well, I can’t believe a land mine like me got accepted…”

“You see, at that time they were troubled too you know? But to be a VTuber on Live-On,《Someone who could shine》is the recruitment standard. And it can be felt from Yuki-san.”

“I think I’m more like muddy water that has stagnated. I can’t shine.”

“Not at all, you’re shining right now. The character Kokorone Awayuki has become the focus of attention. Certainly, there were a few negative comments because it had too much impact, but it’s not at the level of a total backlash.”

Certainly, I was surprised at that fact too.

Actually, after that, I tried to do ego searching while feeling terrified, but even though there were a lot of remarks, surprisingly only few that could be taken as slander. Rather, most of them thought that it was fun and were hoping for the next stream.

“That means, many people are paying attention to, interested in, and attracted to Yuki-san, no matter how you are.”

“Is… that so?”

“Otherwise, they won’t wait for the next stream. Well, I’ll watch all of Yuki-san’s stream from now on, so if I think you almost crossed the line, I’ll stop it. So一 why don’t you try break free from the shell once? “

“Break free from the shell …”

“I’m sure the results won’t be bad. Rather, you’ve come to a point where you can’t go back anymore, you know? If you go back to pretend to be ‘Seiso’ again in your next stream, you’ll feel heaven-piercing discomfort.”


It hurts right on the spot….

In the end, Suzuki-san said that she would return to work and so the call was over.


Within a minute of hanging up, the ringtone for the next call started ringing again.

It was… Hikari-chan.

Urkk… this is so awkward.

But I can’t just not answer it right…

Alright, I need to prepare my resolve.


“Ah! Awayuki-chan, good morning! And congratulations! It’s really become a viral! It’s no.1 in the world! No.1 in the world! I don’t know that the usual Awayuki-chan is such a fun person! Somehow, it makes me got excited too!”

“Ah, ahahaha …”

Hikari-chan cheerfully congratulates me with her usual voice.

That was probably not a new way of insulting, but a truly words that came from the bottom of her heart. I understood it because I had been with her since the debut.

The usual Hikari-chan was almost the same as when she was streaming. Always bright and positive.

Hmm? Isn’t this my antonym that is second to none if it’s both sides?

“Ah, also, there was one thing I was curious about!”

“What is it?”

“You see, I just saw the clipped video that was cut from your stream because I was curious.”

“Yeah yeah”

As expected, it was clipped. lol

“I was curious about the word “Dochashiko” that Awayuki-chan said when watching Hikari’s stream, so I asked the manager!”


“Then, my manager told me that it means, Hikari is really attractive!”

Oi! Hikari-chan’s manager! What in the world are you doinggg?!!

You’re definitely said it on purpose, right?!! You were definitely grinning when you were telling her, right?!!

“Seriously! You made me embarrassed! Fuhehe…  Let’s collab again okay, bye bye!”

Hikari-chan ended the call with a storm in my heart.

Well, of course, I was heartbroken about the fact that my true nature was being known to other VTubers.

After that, chats and calls arrived from the other VTubers from the same company ‘Live-On’, such as Chami-chan. Regardless of whether they were senpai or not, what everyone said in common was that it was fun and happy to see what my true self.

Well, when I think about it now, I may have been somewhere away from everyone by hiding my true self.

Aah, somehow when I’m thinking about various things like this, I feel like I could live freely whatever I want.

◇ Back to the present ◇

“Alright, let’s do it…”

PUSH! (Sound of opening a pull tab)

I don’t know what to think about it anymore, so I decided to not give damn anymore… whatever!

VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiriwasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta ch 3

3. Become a legend

“………. Umm”

I woke up from sleep when the bright sunlight from the scorching sun on a sunny morning came into my room.

“Urrgh… Ewrgg……..”

Oh no, I’m about to vomit. It’s always fun when I’m drinking Strong Zero, but I always get the worst hangover in the next morning.

Well, I can’t stop drinking though.

It’s almost every day for me to see hell in the morning. My body already accustomed to it. it’s already a routine.

It’ll be more poisonous to my body to change it now… yeah, I’m sure of it.

If I ever do this when I’m streaming, I’m sure the comments would be filled with “What?”.

Well, I don’t think I’ll ever do that, I’ve never drank alcohol in stream because I’m trying to look pure and neat during the stream.


When I was thinking of getting up to go and get some water to drink, my smartphone started ringing early in the morning.

Apparently, it was an incoming call from my manager, Suzuki-san.

Suzuki-san, a young female manager among the staff who works at Live-On and will turn 24 years old this year.

She had risen to the position of manager because of her straightforward personality that solves problems head-on. She was said as a success person in the career she chose.

I had always been taken care of by her. So that I can concentrate on my streaming activities. I could never forget the favor I received from her in my whole life.

I heard from her that she volunteered to be my manager herself.

So, I asked her me why she volunteered.

「”Well, I thought if Yuki-san became serious, you couldn’t keep up with your activities without me.”」

I was told something that I didn’t really understand. Suzuki-san, her appearance and attitude were like someone who like doing sport, so I wonder if the words she said was something that someone who like to do activities indoors could understand.

“Aa aa”

“Aah! Yuki-san! I’m glad you finally picked up my call!”

Hmm? What’s wrong? 

Unlike me, who answered the phone with a dull voice, Suzuki-san could understand my situation just by listening to my voice.

She somewhat sounds a bit in rush.

“Umm, what exactlyー”

“Szzz! Be quiet! It’s no good if personal information is leaked, so please don’t say any word if you can. And please accept what I’m about to say from now on and be as calm as possible.”


Suzuki-san who forcibly cut my words said so.

Personal information…?

My drowsiness got blown away at once when I heard an apparently dangerous word.

Eh…?! maybe I’m doing something ridiculous without my knowledge?

“Alright, please listen calmy, okay?…… Please end the stream.”

Please end the stream

Please end the stream

Please end the stream

The same words looped in my head.

Forgetting to end the stream… In the worst case, it might lead to the leakage of personal information, so it was regarded as one of the most important things that VTuber should be careful about.

And in fact, another bad thing that was hidden within this. And fortunately… or unfortunately, since I had spent so much time streaming as a VTuber, I knew the answer.

Right, even if personal information was not leaked, if VTubers ever forgot to turn their stream off, in most cases the viewer will be able to see the ‘real self’ behind the avatar.

A VTuber who role-playing an avatar, a character. There were extremely few opportunities to show the true self of the person behind the avatar to the viewer.

In other words, exposing that rare side to the viewer………

It will be used by viewers to tease the VTuber.


There was some malfunction with my PC when I was about to end the stream yesterday, right?

I tried to open the stream screen on my PC again with the overflowing cold sweat.

Then there……


: Morning! Are you seeing this?

: The Strong drinking stream was good

: It was a stream that makes me felt something new, it transcended the gap moe because there was too much gap than usual!!

: It wasn’t light snow anymore, it felt like a complete snowstorm www

: Alright, let’s be Hikari-chan’s mom and ‘Mas***bate’ while watching her archive

: A woman who compared her gen mate’s ASMR with STZERO

: Right at this moment, I’m definitely watching the birth of the legend

: Definitely a historic stream in the VTuber world

: Why are there so many VTubers who call themselves ‘Seiso’ are actually ‘dangerous’?

: I burst into laughter. I can’t hate you if you show me something that doesn’t feel fake, hahaha

: I want to drink STZERO together with you

“What’s thisssssssss???? Ahhhhhhhhh!!!”

I screamed so hard unintentionally.

Comments that flow at a speed that couldn’t be followed by my eyes despite such a morning.

And above all, the number of viewers far exceeded the average so far.

Now that I look closely, the number of subscribers, which was just a little, is almost the same as my viewer… no, it seems that it will exceed it because it is increasing at a tremendous speed.

Ahhhh, this is bad, I’m getting a headache.


: Congratulations on the number one trend in the world

: A woman who took over the world just by drinking STZERO in front of her computer

“No. 1 in the world ?!”

In a hurry, I looked at the trend ranking of the SNS “Katattaa”, which used by the most people in Japan.

I couldn’t believe it, but the name “Kokorone Awayuki” was the number one trend in the world, not just in Japan, and “Forgot to end” is in the trend.

Ah…………….. I’m done………………..

“Well, well, Yuki-san. When I saw you at the interview, I thought that you would ‘explode’ someday, but I never thought it because you forgot to end your stream. What a surprise. Anyway, I’ll do my best to support you from now on too. Let’s do our best! “

Most of Suzuki-san’s words didn’t come to my mind.

Aaaah, I’m feeling sick because of the hangover already, and now you want me to swallow that much information? My head can’t handle it.

“Uu …….. Uurrg……..”

Ah……… this is bad …

“☆ (The sound is too dirty, please imagine it yourself) ☆”

Somehow, I managed to press the end button while vomiting.

By the way, not to mention forgetting to end the stream, this unprecedented way to end the stream had become a legend under the name of “Vomitting-style end stream”.

How did it end up like this?

VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiriwasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta ch 2

Since I just saw some other group already doing this (I checked last week and no one doing this yet at that time), I’m not going to continue this… So this series will end as just a teaser, I’ll post all the ch I’ve tl-ed

2. Forgot to end 2


I returned to the desk where I did the streaming, and poured the chilled ‘strong zero’ into your body.

Well, I didn’t know whether I kept drinking because it tasted delicious or not. I had reached the point where I couldn’t end the day without it…

Originally, I wasn’t so strong in alcohol, so I started to feel sick right after I took a gulp.

Well, it’s cheap and you can get drunk right away! As expected, STZERO is the best!

[TN: I’ll use STZero from now on, this is based on the illustration in the LN]

Ahh, this is good, I’m feeling a lot better now.

The feeling of the inner power within me being released every time I drink it, it’s irresistible.

“Seriously, it’s irresistible. With just one can, I feel like I don’t mind working for an absurd amount of wage to build an underground empire. Ah, Ka*ji-kun drank beer, so don’t they have STZERO?” [TN: it’s Kaiji-kun from a manga titled Kaiji, he’s in debt, in the anime season 2, he’s worked to build the underground empire, there’s a time when he drink beer]

As I started to speak something that might come out from someone with an IQ 3, there was no sign of Awayuki who usually spoke in the tone of a young lady.

A 350ml canned beer that I could continue to drink non-stop, it became empty in a blink of an eye.

However, I was not satisfied yet.

So, I brought another can with me from the refrigerator.

And …

“Uhyaaa! As expected, the sound of a long can being opened is the best!”

Awayuki holding beer

Yes, it was a long can, a devilish thing for someone who wanted to drink liquor so much. [TN: the long can is 500 ml]

Well, the woman (me) shouted in a flashy manner. In truth, the woman (me) was a ‘Seiso’ VTuber who usually spoke in the tone of a young lady. [TN: ‘Seiso’ is basically pure, innocent, clean…]

“Alright! It’s time to watch my gen mate’s stream!”

Soon after, I felt good, so I proceeded to watch the archive of the stream my gen mate, Matsuriya Hikari, did on the day.

In truth, I hadn’t met Hiakri-chan in person yet, but she was always so kind to me from the beginning of my debut even though I couldn’t stand out when I did a stream like hers. She was a really nice girl, an angel, I loved her!

A 16-year-old avatar with a bright face that was quite petite but had big breasts and bright brown hair. And above all, the contents of the stream that she did matched that full of vitality appearance.

She often picked up comments, and her activities as a VTuber was well received, and she was said as the centerpiece of the third generation.

I have collaborated with her several times, but somehow, I feel that she is a child who embodies pure innocence, she makes me feel like I want to become her mother (Straight face).

“I’m going to be a mom!”

I had a habit to talk to myself when I got drunk, Or rather, the words that came to my mind came out of my mouth as it was, ignoring all the filters in my head.

Since I was a shy person, I rarely drank alcohol with anyone, so even though it had never been a problem, I should be careful.

Well, anyway, I can’t stop drinking strong zero! Seriously, I can’t stop!

“Gyahahahahahahaha !!!”

I kept laughing without care while watching the archive.

The content of the stream was playing game, and the game she was playing was a game where you could feel the madness of the creator as the sausages stuck in the fork and the sausages fight against each other.

Rather, since the game was just like that, there were many vulgar humors in the player names.

“卍ル武社亜wwwwwwwwwww it’s no longer related to sausages wwwwwwww” [TN: 卍ル武社亜 it’s ‘Manjirubushaa’, which roughly mean, ‘sq**rting’, and ‘w’ is like hahaha or ‘lol’ used in Japan]

Since I got drunk, no matter how vulgar it was, if I found it interesting, I would laugh.

And, what made it even more interesting was that Hikari-chan, didn’t have much knowledge of such vulgar things, so she often read it as it was, except for the one that she could clearly understand.

She completely provoking the pervert.

“Huh! Why are you ‘dochashiko’… Hikari-chan’s mom (me) who is seeing your stream right now really feel ‘dochashiko’ you know?” [TN: I’ll put an explanation below, since it’s quite long]

With a lot of laugh along the stream, it finally ended. 

As expected, Hikari-chan’s stream is~… the best!

Yeah, she’s amazing. I can see why she became popular, and there is no reason not to be so.

Compared to that, I …

“… It’s time, so watch Chami-chan’s stream and go to bed.”

Around 2:00 am, I became keenly aware of the reality and became sad, so I decided to watch the archive of another gen mate, Yanagase Chami, stream.

Chami-chan, she chose a slightly different direction from other streamers, mainly focused on various ASMR.

A very selfish Onee-san with blonde short hair and blue-eyes. Her ASMR was good.

Her low-pitched and weak-feeling voice could make you relax. There was no stream that was more suitable for sleep than hers,

It seems like she did an ear cleaning ASMR today. There is no doubt that I will fall asleep in the middle of the video.

“Aah yeah, the addictiveness of this stream is dangerous, it’s equal with STZERO.”

Immediately an urge to sleep came and I fell asleep in no time.


Without noticing the smartphone that kept ringing loudly, I went to slumber……


  1. For the one who is still wondering why ‘w’? the word came from the kanji ‘笑’ which means laugh, and in romaji it’s ‘Warau’. Then from ‘warau’ they took only the first letter, which is ‘w’. And people like to use not only one ‘w’ but a few, like this ‘wwwwww’, which looks like grass. This leads to ‘草’, which means grass, and in romaji it’s ‘Kusa’, that also stand for ‘hahaha’ or ‘lol’.
  2. ‘Dochashiko’ is actually a word come from a word ‘shikoshiko’ that mean ‘FA*’ or ‘Hand**b’, but as the time goes it spread to BL lover girls. They used it when they see a scene or picture that hot and erotic enough to be used as ‘material’ when they ‘Mas***bate’.  This way of use spread further to girls who like manga and anime in general, so it’s not limited to BL lover girls anymore. Later, the word spread to young girl, but word derived to be ‘Shikoi’ and the meaning change further, and so it used by them with the meaning of ‘it makes my heart beats or excited’.

VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiriwasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta ch 1

Well, before you read this, please remember that this is just a fiction so there might be a lot of similarity in personality or event to some real VTUBER out there.
Anyway, Me, as someone who watch fall down in the hole, I feel that I need to translate this…
Well, I’ll still count it a s teaser…

For this WN I’ll use the name with as it is, which means the Japanese rule, where the family name is at the start. As I found it better for this WN, especially the one who enjoy Vtuber.

1. Forgot to end

“Thank you for coming to my stream today. See you next time when it snows lightly.”


: Thanks

: It was fun today too!

: Even if you said when it’s snow lightly, you’ve been streaming almost every day recently. The frequency of snowy day is amaiziing….

: It’s snowing every day, I guess

: Snowing every day is an abnormal weather that I never know I’ll be happy about

I would end the stream when all the flowing comments stop.


Apparently, the PC wasn’t working well, and everything stopped moving.


I tried to click repeatedly, but there was no respond.

I was never good with PC, so I didn’t know the correct way to deal with such situations.


I didn’t know what it is, but it seemed that the streaming screen was closed, which was good.


I stood up with a sigh, walked through the apartment where I lived alone, and headed for the refrigerator.

Along with that, the inside of my head was completely switched from Kokorone Awayuki, to Tanaka Yuki, an unemployed normal woman, 20 years old.

…… Yes, I was unemployed. A Genuine NEET who was neither a college student nor a part-time worker.

…… Please don’t give me a cold shoulder, there was a good reason for it.

I joined a company after graduated from high school, and that company was a 100% ‘Black Company’. Every day I was being abused and forced to work to the point my eyes looked dead.

Under such circumstances, the only thing that gave a light to my heart was the brilliant VTubers agency “Live-On”, which recently gained popularity almost in one go, and finally became one of the top VTuber talent agency in Japan.

I was instantly fascinated by the chaotic world in which each person had kept developing, and I continued to watch it every day, even if I had to cut my own time for sleep. I gradually became absorbed in it which also spark the hope of living within me.

While watching them, I managed to survive my daily live with a cheap salary that kept wearing down my spirit. But, suddenly the news that lighted a single light in my lightless eyes, which became like a dark hole due to overwork, came down.

《Live-On 3rd generation audition!!!》

To be honest, I thought it was impossible.

In fact, I was so nervous that I couldn’t remember what I said during the interview.

However, perhaps the God was being mean to me. For some reason I got accepted.

And so, I was given the other me, which was called, Kokorone Awayuki.

As a woman, she was quite tall with straight black hair up to her back, pure white skin, and pale purple eyes with highlights that could make others feel ‘something unknown’ from just seeing it.

The manager in charge told me that I, Yuki Tanaka, was the model for the illustrator when it got designed. 

To be honest, I never thought that I was such a beautiful woman…

By the way, after I got the news that I passed the audition, I quit the company I was working at, immediately.

Some people might say that I was too early to make that decision, but as everyone knew, ‘VTuber activity is busy’, so it couldn’t be helped.

…… I’m sorry I lied. The truth is I couldn’t handle to work in that environment anymore because of my shitty mental which is like a small fry…

But I planned to stream a lot as a VTuber. And eventually become popular, and when it could be monetized. I would be full of smiles!! Hyahaha―!!

There was a time when I thought that such a dream-like story, full of greed, could be realized easily.

To be honest, I was not popular. Not at all. And it was a problem that was more important that getting monetization.

It had been about three months since I debuted, compared to the others who debuted at the same time as me, I only had less than half of the subscribers and people who come to watch my stream. Or rather, the gap was getting higher over time.

That was why, some people might have thought that working as a VTuber means that they were not a NEET.

Anyway, I had no income. I managed to live using the money I saved due to habits of living in poverty when I was working for a company.

“As expected perhaps there is not enough ‘kick’…”

My manager often said to me that I should show my true self more, but to be real, what on earth are people looking for in me…? What they hope from me?

Or rather, what does it mean to show my true self? And why does my manager know about my true self? Is it from when I was being interviewed?

Anyway, my head hurt thinking about it. 

Soon, the bottom of my savings could be seen. My mental health had been not good lately.

In fact, there was another thing hidden in my ‘refrigerator’ besides VTuber that kept me living when my mental almost crumbled.

“My body has become a body that can’t live without this……”

An ‘evil’ drink that would only make you feel sick…… If you drink this, you can forget whatever you feel at that moment……..

Yes, it’s a ‘St**ng Zero’! [TN: It’s an alcohol drink in Japan, usually 9% alcohol]

TN : Her name, ‘Awayuki’ mean light snow, that’s why she said so as her ending.

Nigoru Hitomi de Nani wo Negau ch 1

Tl-ing this is harder than I thought… I’ll recheck it again later…

1. Chapter 1

The scent spreads throughout Walm’s nasal passages. It was the smell of human manure and internal organs that he was accustomed to smell. 

Although the full clash between the two armies is yet to come, the battlefield has already been started.

Crushing each other was the matter of course, but the arrows and magic from a long distance that kept attacking the poor soldiers spread their viscera into the air.

Walm’s heart was already beating with tears, the sight he saw was that heartbreaking. But, his feet continued to kick the ground. The poor breastplate shook as if to assert itself and made a loud metallic sound.

Walm already had put up with the smell to breathe efficiently but now, he needed to put up with the sight in front of him. But, he couldn’t stand both of it anymore and screamed.


Words that had no real meaning. If there was, it must be a primitive meaning that inspires oneself and threatens the other party. Walm’s hands held a 2.5-meter-long spear, and his torso and head were protected by dented armor.

The same was true for the people around him. In that place, it was the formal attire. The red-black stains that couldn’t be removed seemed to be one-point fashion, but the substance was a proof of the tragedy of its predecessor. As if the stains that had soaked up told Walm eloquently what happened.

Raizou ​​Takakura, or Walm, the name he got in the new life. He was at war.

Walm was at war, but it was not as modern as World War I and World War II that he knew from history, where iron, gunpowder, and science and technology were used abundantly.

It was a medieval war, where iron hit another iron, iron hit people body, and the body itself used to hit another body. In a unique way there were 《Magic》, 《Skills》, mysterious creatures, and magic tools/items too. And Walm had tasted all of it.

The man who was once named, Raizou ​​Takakura, received his second life as the third son of a farmer in a world different from the earth.

Walm, who was reborn with a new body and name and enjoyed youth in the fields and soil. It was the draft for war which was waiting for him.

Walm and his family have been given money just enough for preparations and had been on the front lines after a month of training.

If the nation had strength to spare, many years of trained regular soldiers will be driven into war too.

But, it was unrelated to the empire, which was in war all year, and Walm, one of its people. It was determined that a month of training would be sufficient for a large number of infantries.

The rest of the education was on-site education that Walm had experienced in his previous life.

According to Walm, the immediate introduction of OJT (On-the-Job-Training) was the best. After all, if you failed, you lost your life.

Half a year after he was in military service, Walm survived the first battle, and he has already been in the 11th battle.

The one which once was on the same military service group with Walm had mostly disappeared completely. The organs were exposed, the head was crushed, and the whole body was burned by ‘Magic’. There were many variations in how to die, really… there were a wide variety of ways to die.

Thankfully, the enemy would be the one to perform the cremation and burial. It was like coming to a death amusement park. If you didn’t get bored by it, you would start to spit everywhere.

Walm, who enjoyed a peaceful world, did not seem to be able to stay alive even in the first match, but ironically, only Walm remained alive. He was not sure what that happened, but when he realized it, after a few tens of seconds ―― He had no choice but to laugh.

The number killed by Walm was not just a few, it was over dozens. The enemy soldiers would not disappear even if he were crouched, his hands were shaking, and his legs were to lose the strength to move. Even if he vomited to the life that he took for the first time, there was no one waiting for him.

If there was a chance, his comrades would kill the enemy soldiers from the side, but Walm, who had experienced the battlefield many times, already stopped expecting it.

It wasn’t the Heiselk Empire, the homeland of Walm, or the God’s guidance that saved him, but the 2.5m spear temporarily lent by the empire and the 90cm longsword he picked up at the battlefield.

In the battlefield everyone was equal. Walm believed so from the bottom of his heart. Death came fairly to all men and women of all ages.

In that kind mess of thought, Walm had reached a distance where he can clearly see the other person’s face.

It was a light infantry of the Liberitoa Trade Federation that Walm was tired of seeing. Although it was an enemy country, they would be a militia like Walm. He speculated that everyone was pale because of anxiety due to lack of experience.

The two armies were approaching the deadly distance cross the spear tip without any signal. The enemy’s spear approached Walm’s body, but it hit the breastplate. While scratching it, he parried with his half body, and the spear deviated.

Walm was exempt from collapsing together. A spear held at the waist was aimed at the enemy soldier’s throat and he thrusted it. The targeted enemy soldier tried to deflect with the pulled back spearhead, but the real aim was the lower body without armor.

The enemy soldier distorted his face when he felt the spear stuck in his thigh. The wound that might had reached the bone caused severe pain to the body and instantly robbed a large amount of blood.

An enemy soldier, who barely held a spear and could not resist the spear that was thrusted by Walm again and again, sank to the ground. There was a slight breath left, but since he fell to the ground in the front line, what was waiting for him was crushing death by the footsteps of the army.

‘Too bad’, Walm turned away from the soldiers who were trampled by both armies.

Another soldier switches to the vacant spot. But even though the soldier was also pale like the last one, Walm felt the soldier that came now was better than before.

The battle with the tip of a spear happened, but it cannot be settled by just that. Walm thought the soldier was a disposable one since it was the front like, but unfortunately the soldier didn’t seem to be a virgin in combat.

The tip of the spear hit violently. The Liberitoa soldier, who flicked the tip of the spear from below and stepped in, smiled convinced of the victory, but Walm bowed and accepted the attack using his head.

Walm wore protective helmets, Cervelliere, on his head. From the frontal bone to the parietal bone, it was protected by a circular bowl made of iron, the neck was protected by the chain, and the temporal region was also protected by a flat plate extending from the bowl to the cheeks.

The spear hit the temple on the left side of Walm but, slipped and deflected upwards.

Walm bit dull pain with his back teeth. He thrusted his spear into the face of a Liberitoa soldier, who was not smiling anymore, twice.

The first thrust was on the cheek, and the second one was a spear tip went through the eyeball, causing fatal damage to the brain. By the time Walm repositioned his spear, the enemy soldier lost his live was like a doll with a broken thread and fall off their feet.


Walm gave off a curse words in a small voice. The battle did not end when at most two people were killed. Enemy soldier jumped out to Walm while he was groaning.

Walm thrusted his spear to intercept the soldier as if he refused to associate with the soldier, who was suddenly came like a bloodthirsty hungry wolf, but the spear was repelled by the armor.

Armored from the feet to the head stands in front of Walm. Considering the equipment, it was a difficult enemy perhaps the commander of ten soldiers or the commander of a small platoon.

The two-handed sword that was unleashed with the momentum approached Walm’s throat.

Abandoned the spear and caught the sword with the round shield that Walm took from his back. Unlike the attack he received up until now, the blow was really heavy. From that blow he felt the high skill of the enemy.

The round shield was scratched diagonally, and the impact left behind caused Walm’s palm to become numb.

Walm learned from experience that it was a bad idea to rest your hands and gave control of the combat to the other party. So, he pulled out the longsword and slashed it from the bottom toward the throat, but it was repelled by the back of the soldier’s hand.

Tilted the round shield to the left to parry the two-handed sword swung down from the top. The shield was scratched again and an intersect of the slash with previous slash could be seen on it.

Walm felt nervous thought that he couldn’t stand the third slash. There were also differences in armor, and if he tried to slash each other, he would inevitably lose.

Walm was ready to step on, folded his shoulders, put his weight on it, and pushed it in with a round shield. It would be a momentary push, but there was also the fact that it was immediately after the big swing, so the enemy soldiers lose their posture slightly behind.

Use the situation where the view blocked by the round shield to push the longsword into the soldier feet from the back of the shield.

The chain hanged down from the waist to thighs, so only the cutting edge pierces the skin, but the enemy soldier who received the sharp longsword leaked his voice.

The soldier flew back while swung down the two-handed sword but seeing that he was not standing on the ground properly, Walm didn’t miss the opportunity.

The slash was slower than the previous speed, and Walm was able to look ahead. He stepped more than the enemy to close the distance and thrusted the blade from below as if he was rub it up with armor.

“Uhhhhh, Aarggh?!”

When the blade entered through the lower jaw of the enemy soldier, it broke open the palate and reached the brain. The enemy soldier who lost his strength momentarily sticked further to the tip of the sword under his own weight. Walm didn’t even have to confirm.

In order to divert the load on the sword, Walm threw it sideways. Everyone was focused about the opponent in front of them, but one of the enemy soldiers noticed Walm.

“The platoon leader?!”

Walm saw the soldiers around him upset. A scream-like shout was heard as the offensive moves accelerated accordingly.

“He’s a Magic User!!!”

When the magical power swirled from the group of enemies, a fireball was released from the hand. Walm reflexively raised his shield and bended to the ground. The fatal destruction that he was afraid of did not come, and it landed a few meters away.

The blast caused the hair to thicken and the skin to become hot. Walm bitterly smiled as he managed to avoid a direct hit with his shield and fellow body. The two who got hit directly were miserable.

Walm’s eyes, which had become accustomed to the battlefield, reflected the misery of his friends. One had his arms burned to the middle and was torn apart, and the other’s head had completely disappeared. Fresh pieces of meat stuck to the helmet he wore, leaving burnt blood.

Some people threw spears at the abominable Magic User, but while being protected by the soldiers around them, they slipped into the formation. The enemy Magic User soldier was cherished like their own first son, and Walm spitted out, saying he was really envious.

Walm learned that even in a world where one in ten has some magic aptitude, the one who could use Magic were treated as rare and were more valuable than ordinary soldiers.

‘Most of the time, they support from the side or back of the infantry, but probably the Liberitoa Trade Federation feel the unfavorable situation, now they mix them inside the infantry’, Walm thought so.

Mixing with the hustle and bustle of people, Walm could hear the roaring sound of explosions and the wind noise of wind Magic. Seeing an ice spear extending from the back of a friendly army piercing the enemy’s shoulder with a shield, Walm slammed his longsword horizontally so as not to miss an opportunity.

The longsword broke through the defenses of the soldier arms and slashed his throat.

Blood spilled out like a broken water pipe, and the enemy soldiers squeezed their throats in distress, but as Walm expected, they only extended their lifespan by tens of seconds.

Furthermore, when the third person that Walm killed on that day, a voice that determined the war situation that he had been waiting for roared from a distance.

“Friendly troops have pushed the sides!”

While the infantries were holding up in front, the light infantry overtook the enemy’s side forces and assaulted the main force from the side.

In the unfavorable situation, whatever the commander of Liberitoa army did, couldn’t turn over the situation anymore, he did a bad job as a commander.

“Keep pressing. The enemy formation has collapsed!!!”

When the voice of the squad leader who dedicated his blood-soaked sword to heaven echoed, the soldiers responded with as much roar as possible.

The enemies who stood up in the onslaught from the front and sides tried hard to rebuild their formation, but the collapsed unit began to run, and the formation was torn into pieces.

The semi-siege from the one-wing breakthrough that Walm experienced many times was being completed. It was a tactic that the Heiselk Empire was good at.

The left side of the enemy which was left on the battlefield was a soldier whose command system did not work properly, a soldier who continued to fight despite the situation, and a soldier who prioritized escape.

And so, the soldier of Heiselk empire started to attack the Liberitoa army which lost the function as an army, lost half of the soldiers, and were running all over place to save their own life.

Arrows and spears attacked soldiers who threw away their weapons and shields and the one who tried to escape. The soldiers who caught up on their run was thrusted with a war hammer into the back of their heads.

Some of the old strong men could hold a few numbers of the Heiselk troops, but now they were beaten and slaughtered from the top of their armor, or they attacked with five or six spears together, and so their last resistance was just a vain manner.

In a two-hour battle, the Liberitoa Trade Federation lost 60% of its troops, and the conflicting borders were greatly inclined to the Heiselk Empire.

Nigoru Hitomi de Nani wo Negau Prolouge

Maybe this look like a generic Novel based from this prologue… but it’s actually not that generic (To the point where I had read)…


A pleasant time ended with a high-pitched sound. Raizou ​​Takakura reluctantly opened his tightly closed heavy eyelids.

The body pillow was wet with drool, and the summer blanket was twisted and could no longer even distinguished between the front and back. The cause of the noise was still ringing at the bedside.

Raizou always ​​randomly changed the alarm sound every day, but the song selected that day was a time bomb-themed alarm sound.

The sound suitable for the time when the morning almost over made Raizou’s eyes looked like he was angry. The blurred vision was useless, so he groped around with his right hand, and finally grabbed the ‘victory’.

After completing the troublesome approval screen, the annoying alarm clock was silenced. Then, Raizou pulled out the charging cord and placed it on the desk. He ​​finally got up. He felt annoying to hear the creaking tone of the old bed.

“Aah, I’m so tired.”

Raizou ​​speculated that the cause of fatigue might be due to overtime work that lasted until late the day before, but he had sent the email just in time. He thought that it would be nice to have a radiant morning with relief and a sense of accomplishment once in a while, but it was only fatigue that had continued since last month.

Contrary to the gloomy mood, the bright sunlight entered the room from the opened curtain. Raizou, who squinted his eyes, sighed a little.

I’m not in my perfect condition these days. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I’m in a bad condition. 

Raizou ​​made an unpleasant sound when he turned his head. He went to the sink to change his mood.

The cracked floor squeaked every time when Raizou ​​walked. It was like a duet between the sound of bare feet and the squeaking sound.

Reflected In the mirror was a man, Raizou ​​Takakura, 33 years old, single. 

Raizou ​​laughed at the wrinkles on his face which was appropriate to his age, dark circles under the eyes showing his accumulated fatigue, but at least his face has not really changed.

“Baby face is good…”

Even when he was a new employee, he was mistaken for a mid-career employee. Raizou ​​still remembered being terribly upset when he was suddenly asked about the future schedule at the site he was working.

Twisted the knob on the water faucet, washed the face with cold water and straightened the hair to get rid of the laziness. 

Raizou ​​paid attention to the sink in front of him, he noticed that a considerable amount of hair was scattered.

“Are you kidding me?”

Raizou didn’t dye his hair or grow it long, he had lived with normal hairstyle until now. So, he wondered if his hair roots have some complaints. Raizou ​​held a grudge against his hair, but nothing he could do.

Raizou ​​took milk from the refrigerator and a cup from the shelf and sat at the desk. Before having a breakfast, he reached for the remote control at the table and turned on the morning news.

『”It was an incident in which young people who were visiting a certain city in a certain prefecture went missing, but it turned out that they could not contact the 13 Ground Self-Defense Force members who were searching.”』

『”The container ship ‘NTR’ owned by ◯◯ Corporation and the ‘Erotic Saline’ belonging to Saline Company have sunk in the port of Yokohama. The detailed cause is unknown, but it seems that both ships sank after being hit by a large impact on the bottom of the ship below the waterline. There is a suspicion that a submarine of unknown affiliation collided――”』

『”What an unpleasant disaster. Mysterious phenomena continue all over the world. Even though it was just said that an unidentified aurora turmoil had just occurred in Tokyo the other day, it seems as if the world has come to an end.”』

This high-pitched commentator appeared on the screen. Raizou ​​hated the commentator a little, but he agreed with the comments. Since the end of last year, strange phenomena had occurred all over the world… The land, sea, and air.

An interview with a self-proclaimed shrine maiden who was spreading her arms to communicate with GOD, an interview with an old man whose dog was taken away by a green humanoid monster, and a story about the destruction of all the flora and fauna of the mountain in an instant.

Raizo didn’t hate watching that kind of news on TV. It might be a lie, but at least it was interesting.


Raizo opened the bag of bread he bought in an exaggerated behavior, then he brought it into his mouth. The sweetness that can be called ‘extreme sugar’ could be tasted from the soft bread.

Raizou ​​realized that the bread was a new product, melon chocolate caramel cream bun, but it was bad. [TN: Yep, I guess so…]

Raizou poured the bread that remained in his mouth with milk while frowning. In such a condition, Raizou, who was getting ready in the morning, noticed the sound of the clock and checked the time… It’s a good time to get on the commuter train.

After brushing his teeth, Raizou ​​began to get ready. ‘The morning preparation’ that he had cultivated for more than a dozen years was his speciality.

Put on black socks and closed the button on the ironed shirt in the shortest possible time. Put on the upper and lower suits, put on the wristwatch, and Raizou was ready to go.

Raizou also checked the business card holder, smartphone, work bag. It was his three sacred treasures. If he had this, he was confidence that he can overcome any situation.

Wore the worn-out leather shoes while trimming the heels and headed outside.

Raizou ​​knew that there was a trick to closing the old door. You needed to lift it up lightly and turned the lock quickly. He was wondering whether the hinges were the cause, or that the door was warped because the entire apartment was aging.

Raizou ​​was frightened for a moment by the outside temperature, but he did not hesitate and pushed out. He passed through the narrow corridor and went down the stairs with heavy breathing.

Raizou ​​missed his youth… it’s not like this when I’m in my twenties.

With a sound far from rhythmic, the rest was three steps. Raizou, who tried to step further, called out for something wrong with his body.

“Uhhh, Arrghh? Ahhh, Aahhhhhhh!!”

It came abruptly. Raizou held his chest down with the intense pain that came without warning. He couldn’t endure the pain and so he couldn’t help but to rolled down.

Raizou grabbed the wall or something and tried to stand up, but he couldn’t stand the burning pain in his chest and the sensation of pressure on his body and, fell to the ground.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts… hurts. 

Raizou was choking. In addition to dizziness, the field of vision was distorted, and the cold sweat did not stop coming from his forehead. He couldn’t breathe properly, his limbs couldn’t move, so he had no choice but… just to look up to the sky.

Raizou was now out of the house with his hair was soiled with dust, and his half-opened mouth was smeared with saliva. He ​​reached out for help, but only that day somehow, there were no people around.

The edge of the field of vision shimmered, and the field of vision slowly darkened and narrowed. Raizou didn’t know what happened to his body, but one thing he could understand was… that… he… would die as it was–

I don’t want die. I still, want to live.

Raizou ​​slowly raised his right hand while his physical freedom was being lost one after another.

His hands were trembling like a fawn who just born. It was a ridiculous sight, but Raizou ​​couldn’t even afford to laugh.

Then, Raizou ​​vaguely remembered that the weather forecast said that he should take measures against heat and be careful about heat stroke.

The terribly annoying cicada’s voice that Raizo hated so much… he couldn’t hear it. All that could be heard by him was the irregular breath sounds and the weakening heartbeat.

Perhaps due to the darkening vision, Raizou ​​saw hallucinations. The ground where he was fallen, was dyed black and swirled. Countless shadow of midget-like person came out from inside.

The shadow surrounded Raizou ​​and tried to drag him into the hole. It was like a scene that appears in some travel journals.

Oh, it’s really a hallucination… at last, it’s finally over.

Although it was faint, Raizou heard someone happily calling his name, but he could no longer hear it, and his consciousness was completely lost.

Santa Claus wo Koroshita. Soshite, Kiss wo Shita ch 1 part 3

With this, ch 1 is over. I think I’ll split ch 2 into 4 parts, even so each parts will be longer than the one from ch 1.

1-3. Even just breathing makes me feel sad (Part 3)

It was more like a recollection than a dream, and it was about the memory of that day.

My senior smoked a cigarette on the bed and had a sad expression on her face. A slender body that hugged me many times, wearing only underwear. She exhaled deeply. And cigarette smoke that came out from her mouth makes a thin line like a contrail, but it disappears instantly. She wasn’t laughing anymore. Only then did I realize that this relationship was over.

At that time, it was still summer. There is a shrine just behind the 1DK apartment where my seniors live, so I could always hear the sounds of birds and insects, and on that day I was eating chilled Chinese Noodles while listening to the cicadas singing at night. The noodles that you can found anywhere are topped with finely chopped cucumbers, broth eggs, and ham. My senior often made it so that I could eat it when I lost my appetite in the summer.

Seeing me who had eaten everything, she says,

“Yes, boys have to eat a lot.”

My senior treated me like a child. In fact, I think that I, a college student, is just like a child to her, who’s already working. After a year of dating my senior, I realized that many times. She’s probably had so much life experience that it can’t even compared to mine, and it was also in love experience. Her way of drinking wine calmly at the restaurant and her gestures when she first went to bed, told me that.

When we weren’t in relationship yet, I could see a magazine that I didn’t think was something that she like, was placed in her room. She always said that she didn’t want to go to the Red Brick Warehouse in Yokohama, and when in the end we first visited the place,

“When I came here before, it’s…..”

She started saying her past. And every time she said that kind of thing, I just can’t stand it.

When I think about it, it was a year when I keep thinking about how to be the number one in her heart. How can I not be thrown away by her? And the days when I keep having such worries come to an end.

When I touched my senior’s skin on the bed, she slowly shook her head and removed the blanket. After fixing her underwear, she sits near the edge of the bed. Then she swing her legs. She look like a girl on a swing in the park at dusk, not wanting to go home. I imagine that when I see my senior’s expression that seems to start crying at any moment.


Why do you look like that? I know, she always saying about her physical condition in this kind of moment, but the atmosphere now is clearly different from that time. I waited for words to come out from her. But, there was only silence. For no reason, I throw the unused condom in my pocket into the trash can and looking around the room. I see a bookshelf containing an overseas science fiction novel and a BUMP CD, the ice cream cups that we just ate together on top of the table, my rucksack in the corner, a small TV, a game console bought by us, a small white sofa. It was a year ago that I first came to this room where I could feel a sense of life. I went to my senior’s room more often than my senior came to my room. My senior’s room was deep engraved in my heart that I almost said “I’m home” rather than “I’ll bother you”.

My senior still quiet on the bed. Oh yeah, when I realized that this was a farewell, my senior finally opened her mouth.

“Hey, how long did you believe in Santa Claus?”

“… Santa Claus?”

“Yes, Santa Claus…. you don’t remember?”

When I just keep silent,

“I see.”

My senior muttered that. Then she continue to speak.

“I don’t remember the time clearly, but when I look back at my diary, it seems that I believed until I was in the 4th grade of elementary school. It’s a little too long, isn’t it?”

I silently listened to the story of my senior. I don’t question what she’s talking about right now. I’m sure she’s telling a very important story now. We had been dating for a little over a year, so I could have guessed that much.

“But when I was in the third grade of elementary school, my uncle asked me, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’. At that time, I really wanted a big piano, but I thought that the Santa couldn’t buy it for me, so I said that I wanted a small piano.”

“But, at that time, senior believed in Santa Claus, right?”

“Yeah. There’s a time when my friend told me that there was no Santa Claus, but then I cried and argued with him.”

My senior shrugs and then continues her words.

“I’m sure that real Santa Claus really exists in the world, but he didn’t come to me, so I feel like a pitiful kid…. No, maybe not. Even now. I know there must be Santa Claus in this world, but Santa Claus just doesn’t come to me. He doesn’t want to make me happy.”

“That’s… “

That’s not true, is what I’m trying to say, but I stopped. As expected, I still don’t know much about senior.

Then she exhales longer, while holding the cigarette between her index finger and thumb, and removing the ashes with her middle finger.

“Hey, since we start dating, a lot of things had happened.”

“Please stop….”

I heard a voice that surprisingly piercing my heart. I was upset by that and I was crying without knowing it myself.

“… Did senior, start to hate me?”

“I don’t hate you. You know that I don’t like you so much in the first place, right?”

“Then, why?”

A deep breath leaks.

“Why do you say something like this so sudden?”

“For a long time, Even just breathing makes me feel sad.”

Then she reached for the second cigarette. While igniting with a silver Zippo, she prefaced, “Just that I never admit it.”.

“I’m sure you can say that you like me because I say that I don’t like you.”


What are you talking about, is what I’m going to say so strongly.

How much have you thought, I’ve been thinking about you since I met you in that park? Think this, when you see the shadow of someone that you’ve ever liked, that person expression and gesture, from far way, how much pain and jealousy you will feel at that moment? However, when I saw the expression of my senior, all the words I tried to say went somewhere.

She wasn’t laughing anymore. I can’t remember the last time she laughed at me. For a long time, she herself hadn’t noticed that she wasn’t laughing anymore.

And, I finally realized that, yeah, this relationship was over.


Santa Claus wo Koroshita. Soshite, Kiss wo Shita ch 1 part 2

I said that this will be updated in 3-4 days, but yeah, since I finished editing it faster than I thought, Here it goes.

1-2. Even just breathing makes me sad (part 2)

“Well, criminal. It’s night already, so it’s too late to talk in detail about the cooperation, so please send me back for now.”

Cooperation? I didn’t think it could be called that, but I reluctantly nodded that I understood.

“So, where is your house?”

“What are you talking about? we’re going to your house, you know.”

“… What? My house? No way…”

Leaving me, who’s still not moving, behind. The girl goes on to the bus stop. I sighed with less irritation and sprinted to catch up with her.

“Hey, if you don’t have the money, I’ll lend you, so please, just take a taxi to go Home or stay at an Internet Cafe.”
[TN : Well, A lot of internet Cafe in japan has a private room, so a lot people using it to sleep overnight if they missed the last train to go back home.]

“I don’t want to.”

And she blatantly refused my offer.

“I didn’t ask whether you want it or not…”

The girl staring at me. I’m shaking my head as fast as I could. Who knows, maybe I might get kicked again. Besides, I have a weakness with her. So, I thought it would be wise not to not go against her.

On the way to the apartment, I made her wear the down coat I was wearing. You see, if I’ve been seen walking with a girl in uniform, I might be questioned by a police.

“I’m having a situation where I can’t go home for a while now.”

“Then you should stay at your friend’s house.”

“I hate it, and anyway I don’t have any friends.”

“If you had that kind of personality, I guess so.”

I could see that she put more effort into her hand that holding her school bag. She shakes it at my belly in a batting manner. It’s not that I can’t respond to it but the shock straight ran to my upper body. Is there a book inside? I had no choice but to crouch on the spot because of the pain.

So, I apologize to her after coughing for a while.

“Okay, okay, it was my fault.”

“Yes, it’s your fault. Please reflect.”

There is a slight anger in the plain tone. I sighed in a low voice that the girl couldn’t hear it.

After that, I walked silently, and after a while I stopped in front of one apartment.

“We’ve arrived,”

And when she saw me climb the stairs in the old apartment,

“Well, I wasn’t expecting much from the start.”

The girl sighed behind me.

Standing in front of a room, I tries to take the key from my wallet in my pocket. However, my hands are numb and it could only be moved slowly.

“You should do it faster, unless you want to be seen by someone when I’m coming in.”

“I know.”

I insert the key and open the door. From the door, I could see garbage that I left in the kitchen. And a smells strange came from nowhere. Pink mold grows in the bath, and the room is full of laundry, pet bottles and empty lunch boxes.

After the girl confirming that the toilet was dirty,

“I withdraw my previous statement.”

She sighed while saying that.

“Hmm, is it that ‘Please reflect’?”

“No, it’s the ‘I wasn’t expecting much from the start’…… I didn’t think it was so dirty.”

“At this time, you still have the last train.”

“Okay. So, shall I go to your favorite senior’s house with this notebook? I think her new boyfriend will be with her by now.”

” … “

Seeing me shut my mouth, the girl snorted and took the deodorant spray out of her school bag.

When she finished sprinkling it all over the room, she slipped into my bed before I could stopped her.

“Hey, it’s my bed.”

“If you get closer, you’ll be charged not only for the preliminary murder, but also for the crime of raping a minor.”

While being accused like that, the girl fell asleep while facing the wall, and saying that she wouldn’t speak anymore.

And me, who’s being left alone, sat on the sofa without saying anything. When I see a girl who doesn’t move under the blanket, I wonder why all of this happened. To be honest, I didn’t want to bring her up to my room. If that uniform isn’t a cosplay, she’s really just a minor. What I was doing right now was kidnapping from other people point of view.

Still, the girl has my notebook. It was too careless of me to dropped it. It’s so stupid that I could be threatened by a high school girl because of that.

I sigh and stand up. I’m hungry. I think I’ll eat anything to change my mood.

I go to the fridge and look for something. However, the only things that could be called solid things in the refrigerator were seasonings, discolored onions, and a salad that was opened more than three days ago. Even if I look at the shelves, there is nothing that seems could satisfy my hunger.

I sigh a few times today, saying I’m so unlucky today. I couldn’t help it, in the end I took out a can of beer that was lying in the back of the refrigerator. There is a girl in the living room, so I stand in front of the ventilation fan in the kitchen and drink it. I was a little hungry, but I felt sick because my stomach became hot with alcohol.

When I finished drinking, I used the can as an ashtray and smoked. While exhaling smoke towards the ventilator, I remember just an hour ago.

“Let’s erase ‘Christmas’, huh….”

After muttering so, I mocked myself and laughed with my nose. It’s just too ridiculous.

When I returned to the living room, the girl seemed to be sleeping with her school bag. Is my notebook in that? When I was wondering if I could take it back now, Then the girl twist her body and turn over from her position, and I met the girl’ eye.

“Don’t think that you can take it back now.”

“…I’m sorry, but I’ve already thought that I can’t.”

I give up and lie down on the sofa. After confirming that I was doing nothing, the girl returned to her original position and closed her eyes.

Well, I also close my eyes as to think what to do.

Then, I immediately felt that my thoughts became unpleasant. I was a little surprised to find it drowsy. Ever since I broke up with my seniors, I’ve been forced to sleep even though I haven’t been sleepy. It’s been a long time since I felt pure drowsiness.

Apparently, having someone read that notebook was doing more damage than I had imagined.

I sleep while thinking that today was the worst day.

But, well, only on these days, it seems that you’ll have the worst dreams too.


Santa Claus wo Koroshita. Soshite, Kiss wo Shita ch 1 part 1

I don’t know if you guys like a 1 vol LN (yeah, it the story that finished within 1 volume)
I’ll see, whether the one who want to read this a lot or not, and will decide whether to continue until the end or not. I’ll release the next part every, 3-4 days.

this LN Cover is

Santa Claus wo Koroshita

1-1. Even just breathing makes me sad (part 1)

I wish that ‘Christmas’ just disappeared already. I muttered so, because I saw the illuminations in front of the station. Christmas is still more than three weeks away, but the city is already preparing for it. The tree that shines in the center of the station terminal give the feel of Christmas. The boulevard is decorated with lights and shines brightly. And, I stood on the deck in front of the station and looked at it while leaning against the fence.
[TN: so the light display across the city, in Japan, They called it Illuminations]

I wonder where this money comes from. The deeply exhaled breath that came out from my nose turned white because of the cold, and it struck at the tip of my nose.

It will be more beautiful on Christmas day. The city will be full of lovers, Christmas songs are played from nowhere, and the world will be wrapped in happiness. Damn it, I think. Actually, I was supposed to see that scene with my senior.

“You say you like me, but I’m sure it’s not true. That’s sad, but I understand why.”

That day, my senior who I had been dating for over a year told me so. She wore only underwear on the bed, squinted while smoking a cigarette and said, “Thank you so far.”, while smiling.

I understood that whatever I said from that moment will be useless. Knowing that my seniors’ paths and mine would not overlap anymore, I feel something close to despair, but there are still no denial words came out from my mouth, The only thing I could do just to strongly hope that it was just a dream.

On the last day, my senior gently stroked my head while leaving the room. “Let’s do our best”, is what she said. I’ve been thinking about the meaning of the word, but I have no idea what I should do my best for or what’s ahead of me.

“I wish that ‘Christmas’ just disappeared already”,

Is what I muttered to myself. A sigh-like word just came out from my mouth. And to that words, I never thought there would be a voice coming back answering it.

“You can do it. You can make ‘Christmas’ gone.”

It was a girl’s voice. It was from the back. I hurriedly turned to the voice. “There was a high school girl there …. No, I don’t know if she was actually a high school girl or not. But under a dark blue coat, she wore a blazer of the same color, and white blouse. And, a tartan check skirt. She had a short bob’s black hair trimmed above her shoulders and her facial features looked young. She also had a school bag in her hands.

Except for the fact that she was out at this kind of time and talked to college students like me, most likely, she was really a high school girl.

“You can make ‘Christmas’ gone. You can do it.”

The girl said again in a plain voice with almost no intonation.


I think I had a very silly face right now. Is this some prank? to someone like me who is not even a celebrity? Then, is this some kind of a ‘Badger Game’? But still, “You can make ‘Christmas’ gone” is sound a little bit crazy.

Anyway, I decided not to get involved further, so I pretended not to notice the girl and tried to leave.

“Wait, criminal.”

She stopped me as soon as I stepped down to the pedestrian bridge. Criminal. When I heard the words, I felt the blood drain from my face. I’ve the illusion that the pores of my whole body just opened. I looked back fearfully and opened my eyes. The girl in uniform had a green notebook. A notebook that could be seen everywhere. Even so.

“This, I read it.”

As I thought. I’m convinced when I see the girl’s contempt and face. That notebook is mine.

The moment I steps towards the girl in a hurry to take it back,

“Don’t move.”,

is what she said to hold me back.

“If you try to take it back forcibly, I’ll scream even if you’re not a molester.”

“…You, have a good personality, huh.” (Sarcastic tone)

“Did you fall in love with me?”

The girl says that without caring about my irony. I sigh and shake my head.

“To someone who steal people’s things without permission. I can’t come to like a criminal like that.”

“What are you talking about? The criminal is not me, it’s you.”

The girl flips through the notebook as if to show me.

“Who do you think it would be interesting to give this to, huh, criminal?”

The girl shouts with a cruel smile.

“Police? Your parents? Or….. to your favorite senior?”

“Okay, okay, I understand…”

I raise both hands to surrender.

“What do you want… I’m just a traumatized and depressed college student. I’m a feminine man with no money and no abilities. You only threatening for nothing, you know.”

“Isn’t it too sad to say like that?”

The girl sighed as if she was amazed.

“You said it earlier. Your wish is to make ‘Christmas’ disappeared, right?”

It’s that again.

“You, have you lost your mind?”

When I said so from the bottom of my heart, the girl approached me silently. Before saying anything, she kicked my ‘history’ will all her might.


I couldn’t stand the attack that I couldn’t imagine it coming from the girl’s delicate body, and I crouched on the spot. Even when I tried to stand up, the place where I was kicked was numb and I couldn’t stand up for a while.

“Hey criminal. It’s up to me whether you’ll live or die.”

The girl crouches in front of me. And grabbed my hair.

“Be careful with your words, okay?”

Seeing the girl laughing while saying that, I thought I was in trouble at this time.

Actually, from now until Christmas, I will be in trouble many times. Just that I still don’t know about it yet. It can’t be helped because I didn’t know the power that the girl have at that moment.

Twenty-three days left until the holy night. That was the beginning.

But, I’m sure everything was too late now.