For the one who like seeing VTubers, perhaps you would enjoy this
45. She doesn’t know
“H,Hey… What are you so lost in your thoughts now.”
My thoughts were running wild inside of my head. That must have led me to become quiet, which forced Natsukawa to ask me with a worried look. She put down Airi-chan, approached me, and gently shook my shoulder. Everything that was inside my head ended up jumbled, only to burst.
───The inside of my head went blank.
“H,Hey… say something.”
I opened my mouth, but no proper explanation came out. I didn’t know what to say.
This isn’t me. Normally, I would come up with all sorts of idiotic thoughts. Why can’t that work at the time when I really need it…
“Don’t ignore meeー!”
As if to cut through the awkward atmosphere, Airi-chan leaped at me who was stuck. Since I was pushing myself up, she shoved me over, turning me around.
“Don’t bully Onee-chan…”
“I-I’m not bullying her! Definitely not bullying her!”
Airi-chan hammered her hands onto my chest, looking like she was about to cry. I was so anxious she might start crying for good, so I tried to make an excuse in a hurry. Since I didn’t have any experience about what to do in that situation, I was frustrated.
Looking over at Natsukawa, she had a similar confused expression as she stared at Airi-chan. It might have been subconsciously, but she also glanced over at me, her eyes watery──Oi oi oi oi, please no!!
“I-I’ll come to you next time! If you’re okay with it, that is! I mean, can I really?! Is that going to be okay?! Is this your final answer?!”
My head was still a mess, but I screamed as loud as I could.
To be honest, I think that I should not get near her yet when we’re inside the class… but well, I said it already, no turning back now I guess.
I’m driven crazy to this point because Natsukawa is different from ‘usual’. In the first place, she was acting off ever since we left the school. That’s why, I need to bring her ‘usual’ back.
“I might become clingy again, you know? I might say something weird again that would annoy you. Even so, if you’re okay with this, I don’t mind come to you like before.”
Of course not. She should hate it if I go to her ‘acting like that’. Even if she thought of me as her friend even just a little, receiving so much attention from a member of the opposite sex she doesn’t even like must feel unpleasant. And yet, I always bothered her like that. Blinded by love, I couldn’t even realize that.
Perhaps, just like I had a habit to always cling at her, Natsukawa developed a habit to push me away.
That’s why, remember all of it now, Natsukawa. This me, who you rejected over and over and over, a stalker, a clown who—
“──…….That’s a promise, okay?”
……What just happened? Don’t tell me, am I still dreaming?
I felt my sleeve being pulled. I didn’t know why Natsukawa do that, but one thing for sure was that she was not pushing me away.
So, this kind of bittersweet event can happen to me too? And not because somebody set me up?
If so, this is not a bittersweet anymore, it’s way too sweet. Just tasting this once, I might never forget the taste──It’s like drugs. This is what they call, ‘A moment of fascination’, where you start going crazy over heel towards the other person. I know that might be a happy time, but depending on it, it’s more like the start of the torture than anything.
I pulled on my arm and freed myself from the binding that was too sweet. At the same time, intense sadness filled my chest, but I tried to bear with it.
Calm down, Sajou Wataru. This isn’t ‘that’ kind of situation. Don’t trust it, it’s just your delusion. Remember everything you’ve done so far! See it from the broad perspective! Restraint yourself!
“…..Leave it to me.”
“W-What are you saying…”
“What are you sayingー!”
Hearing my majestic answer, Natsukawa showed a faint smile. I said it with a straight face, but I guess she could feel my majestic aura. Perhaps seeing that smile, Airi-chan also feel relieved, as she mimicked Natsukawa.
Hey now, stop hitting someone else’s stomach. Ah, hey──!
A bit of air that was stuck in my chest came out at once. In the same breath, I picked up Airi-chan, and did the carry Natsukawa showed me before. Perhaps she found it to be fun, she started laughing hard…..Ahh… so cute.
“Hey, be careful with her!”
“It’s fine, I won’t put her in any danger.”
Horsey. Protects. Master.
That being said, I don’t want her to grow up the wrong way. That’s why this ‘dynamic carry’ is also a form of light punishment…..or so I thought. Well, if I punish her in a hard way, it will only lead me being hated. But more than anything, it will make Natsukawa sad, so what I could do now is to act as a good Onii-san for her.
“Hey, if you hit other people, you’ll make your Onee-chan angryー”
“I don’t want that!”
“I don’t want it either. That’s why you can’t hit others, okay?”
“Okay, I understand, Sajoー”
…..well, as long as you understand it. Wait, now that I think about it, I’ve rarely can be in a higher position than someone else. And so fi this unreliable me, could be a person who teach someone else, then I’m happy. Please, grow up healthy and like Natsukawa, an intelligent and beauty per── it hurts, hurts. don’t pull on someone else’s hair too…!
“Heyyy, don’t pull someone else’s hair!”
I corrected her position, which helped me free myself from her grasp on my hair. She must have understood that what she did was wrong, as she didn’t try to do something so violent like that anymore. Since Natsukawa gave a worried expression, I quietly returned Airi-chan to her.
“Huft…..she sure is energetic.”
“Right… She’s not this playful with the other children at the kindergarten though. Maybe you’re just so easy to bully.”
“If that’s true, it sounds like my true nature being leaked, so can you not say it anymore, please?”
Easy to bully… Is it even fine for such a sad existence like that to be a part of this planet?…. No! Of course not! The other person is just a child! I’m sure that there must be something about me that she prefers over that certain handsome guy! Like how funny I am! Maybe I should ask her.
“Airi-chan, who’s more of a hottie? Takaaki or me?”
“What are you asking…”
“What a wonderful education you are receiving.”
“I would never teach that word to her this early!”
You don’t learn about this word from someone else… Once you set foot into the outside world, a battlefield awaits you. With so much miscellaneous knowledge filling this world, it’s impossible to filter out which isn’t important for you. Yet, young lady Airi will not remember the new word unless she hears it at least 3 times in a day. What an incredible talent! While now my dear elder sister is being surrounded by handsome guys only to waste it, that was because when she was a child, she kept shouting ‘hottie’ ‘hottie’ without knowing the real meaning! She was so noisy you know! Anyway, it’s good for young lady Airi to know the meaning of that words from child!
“Who’s cooler? Takaaki or me?”
“Is being discouraged even a concept for you?”
“Let’s study some more, okay?”
“I’ll smack you.”
Sorry, it just happened.
The atmosphere was so awkward before, but I feel like it’s improved drastically. Don’t think Natsukawa would gain anything from hearing what I feel deep inside of my heart. As expected, maybe our distance is a bit too close as of right now. Come on, look at me with a sharp gaze like usual, I’ll just melt like a slug. In fact, I feel like my brain is melting away.
I realized that the outside was starting to turn red. When I checked the time, I judged that this was a great time to leave. Ah, I forgot that we’re in a season where the sun is still high.
“Huft… She’s still naive.”
“What are you talking about…”
Natsukawa showed me a dubious expression, as she had Airi-chan in her arms. She was fallen asleep as, I squeeze out all of her energy. At the mid-way, when she looked tired already, I provoked her and so she apparently mustered up the rest of her energy. However, a young girl has no chance of winning against a high school boy’s energy! Fuhahaha!
“It felt like you were the same age as her…”
“That just means our compatibility is good. Becoming a real ‘Onii-san’ like Sasaki is impossible for me.”
“Aren’t you pretty exhausted despite saying that…”
We somehow ended up doing practice in bumping into each other on the mid-way. According to Natsukawa, Airi-chan rarely got the chance to go all out like that with someone. Their father apparently was the type to immediately give in.
….Wait, why is she even trying to win against me in terms of strength…?
I personally was acting pretty considerate despite that. Even there was a joint mat on the floor, but doing those things were still dangerous. It was pretty exhausting to accept her in a way that wouldn’t leave her injured.
All you dads in this world…! Try even harder! Do your best!
“….. I think this is a good time for us to call it a day.”
“What, are you ‘reluctant to part’ with me….?”
“I-I didn’t even say anything…!”
Yeah, I knew. SAD
Just like Ashida said, I feel like Natsukawa was seeking out some kind of connection. If not, she wouldn’t have invited me here.
What should I do about this… Seriously, why did this kind of situation even happen…Even though I should have known myself that I can’t see Natsukawa as anything but my romantic interest…..
Just thinking about everything that happened today, I couldn’t help but feel complicated about it. Perhaps that came out on my face, Natsukawa showed me a troubled expression. But I let it past with just awkwardly scratching the back of my head.
Sure, Natsukawa is cute, and Airi-chan is also cute, but I feel that not even my exhausted mind could handle this situation much longer.
“Sajoー…… One more time.”
“Okay, got it!”
Seems like Airi-chan liked my special technique── ‘dynamic carry’. Be it with our ‘head-to-head training’ (temporally name), this girl seemingly really likes the thrill. I’m sure, she’ll definitely enjoy a rollercoaster… Can’t wait for her to grow up.