17. Each way
I make a hand mask with both hands and take a cheese-smelling breath. The only way to look directly at the current ‘Gap Moe senpai’ is to loosen my muscles. Come out, ‘The wise’ me.
[TN : Gap moe is what Japanese call if they see a big the gap between one’s serious look and one’s cute personality.]
“…..So, what do you want to consult?”
“Hmmm… that’s none other but about my worries.”
“Your worries? Not the worries of the members of the disciplinary committee who always encouraged you?”
Even if she was very good at encouraging other, it seems senpai also have her own worries. If you just looking at her dignified attitude, she don’t seem to have any worries…
“As the Chairman of the Disciplinary Committee, I want to help my colleagues, but when I make suggestions and encouragement, “You can do that because you’re the Chairman.”, is the answer that I always get.”
“Oh… I see.”
I understood what she wanted to say.
I think from that words, I felt a nuance similar to what I said to the Chairman in the corridor, “Even if it was another girl student…..”, yeah that one. No matter how much she encourage the members of the Committee, it has no effect. Is like she can’t reach them, I guess?
“‘You can’t understand my feelings.’, I think Inatomi-senpai and the others ever said that to you.”
“Mmm… that’s right. They can say it clearly to me.”
“And you want to talk it to me, who is just a freshman……”
“I can’t really ask them this kind of thing, and as you say, I didn’t have much chance to talk to my classmate boys, so I thought, maybe if it’s you……”
Perhaps, senpai have more knowledge than others. It’s not about knowledge from studying or anything like that, but about things that are more related to your daily life. Since she is the Chairman of the Disciplinary Committee, she have to understand the feelings of others, including the students who are at the center of the class and even the students who are quiet in the corner of the classroom. From her position, such an unreasonable but compulsive idea may come to her mind.
“I’m in the same position as Inatomi-senpai, so I’m sure I can’t understand even if you explain the way you see the others.”
“But, well, I think I know what they want Shinomiya-senpai to do.”
Shinomiya-senpai suddenly brings her face closer. Even though she knows that we’re inside the small student guidance room, if she did something like this, it would be a big deal for me….. You’re beautiful, can I kiss you? And, you don’t mind even if my breath smell like cheese, right?
…… Well, as I said to Shinomiya-senpai, I can understand the feelings of Inatomi-senpai. That’s because I’m in the “Inatomi-senpai side” in the mediocre sense of specs, not in the “Shinomiya-senpai side”. If anything, even if I and Inatomi-senpai are similar, we don’t look like similar in term of appearance.
The difference is similar to a cultural difference, yeah that big. Even if you live in the same place, the way you look and think will change even if you see the same scenery, depending on whether you are good guy or bad guy. If you are a student who supervise others, it’s not surprising that the surrounding around you will feel such a big difference with you.
“In conclusion, they don’t expect senpai to encourage them or anything like that.”
“What….. The-then, what should I do!?”
“It’s enough to just say “Don’t think about it too much”… and do it while touching their shoulders. They will be more than satisfied with that”
A casual body touch, Uhehehe. No,this is not good, my greed has just come out….. This is just a consultation, remember, she just asking an advise from me…
“Senpai are like bosses just by that ‘Chairman’ title. That’s why the girls underneath you don’t want you sympathize with them until they match your level, and they want you to lead them without asking questions, regardless of your pretense.”
“Do-does by doing that will make Yuyu and the other be more positive…?”
“You see, ‘Don’t think about it too much’, that word came from your mouth while shoulder-touching them, right? I think that they’ll feel like they’ve ascended to heaven.”
“Am, am I a God!?”
“For them, senpai may be more precious than God.”
I imagine the Chairman of the Disciplinary Committee with a smile like the ‘Holy Mother Maria’, and I feel like I want to be her baby……. No, I have to tighten my mind. At this kind of moment, I need to remember one thing of Natsukawa…… Hmmm? I don’t feel that much different? hehehe, I can’t stop smiling.
“So….What everyone expects from me? I’m embarrassed when someone praise me. But now, I think I could understand how I look to Yuyu and others.”
“….Are you okay already?”
“Yeah…. but I’m also a human being, and sometimes I’m depressed. Who should I rely on when I became like that?”
“They’ll relieved that the Chairman is also a human being when they see that kind of figure. They should support you as long as they’re your companion. Just that the way you do it and them is different.”
There is a difference of two years between senpai and me, but still we’re just a student. There is a big difference between students and the fact that there should be no difference between them, but there is basically only a difference in year and that’s for good reasons. That’s why Shinomiya-senpai had an illusion that she and Inatomi-senpai were almost equal and there was no difference.
But, there is absolutely no such thing. Disparities due to abilities and title are created since elementary school. Even though I can’t express it in words, I notice it when I’m in elementary school.
“…..I think it would be a nice idea to make a boyfriend and ask him to encourage you.”
“What…. Tha-That kind of impure thing is…..”
“What is your type, senpai?”
“Listen to what I just said!”
I wouldn’t bother to say the word disparity. I explained in a beautiful words to senpai, but with just a few changes of the way I speak, senpai would have turned a sharp eye on me. That’s not what I, who want to live in peace, want.
I take a deep breath and look at the clock.
“Noon… it’s soon will over.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry that I took your time.”
“No, it’s okay.”
Both of us stand up and leave the student guidance room. The students and teachers in the area opened their eyes and looked at me, “He was scolded.”, that’s what I feel from their eyes. And when I see the surrounding, Shinomiya-senpai touch my shoulder, it’s like she want to say that she’s tired. Alright! I just got a body touch!
“Well, see you again someday.”
“Yeah, see you again. By the way, I didn’t ask for your name.”
“Oh, I’m Yamazaki.”
One of the mottos of ordinary people. Don’t let someone in a prominent position, such as a teacher or Chairman of the Disciplinary Committee, remember your name.
So without thinking much, a pseudonym came out from my mouth. Well, I forgot to put a nameplate on my chest pocket today. So, I accidentally named myself, Yamazaki. Well, His face is quite good and he’s in a basketball club, and I think he would be happy if a beautiful woman like senpai called him.
“But, really, I don’t think that your good intentions at that time were a bad thing.”
“…..Is that so?”
Then, I think I’m not compatible with senpai.
Conflict of opinion. Only by refuting, the argument can be established, and with that the person can be equal to the other party. However, my first move in the corridor was the limit for me. Senpai, she don’t understand how average the juniors in front of her is. Besides, even myself, I don’t always know if my own idea is correct or not.
After all, senpai, who have a belief and things that she can’t give up, is strong. And I was just normal, and I didn’t have enough fangs to point at anyone enough to penetrate them.
When I bought something at a convenience store and ate there, the sun went down. The western sky is dyed in orange color. However, the sun at the dusk in this era is feel quite far. They said that the sun was visible in the old-era’ dusk? I want to see such a scenery in reality even if it’s just once time.
I look at the eastern sky, and I could see the beginning of the night. If anything, I like the contrast between the eastern and western skies, which are divided into light and dark like this, rather than just a beautiful dusk. Now, I am fascinated by such reality.
A female voice called my name as I stood up near my house. I was surprised because I still remember the previous visit of Natsukawa, but when I think about it, it’s a rather familiar voice, and it’s a little difficult for me to talk to Natsukawa now. Then there is only one choice of who is this voice came from.
“Sis? What about the cram school?”
“I’m not in the mood today.”
Eh, is that okay? Well, if she says she doesn’t like it, there’s nothing I can do about it. Actually, it seems that depending on the mood, even if she’s studying, sometime it will not go into her brain. If that’s true, I’m never in the mood for studying for years already. Hahahaha.
While blowing the hot meat bun, her face frowned, and she just passed me and went straight into the house. When I saw her buy and eat on the way, I realized that we’re indeed sibling. Perhaps, the fact that she frowned is because she wanted to forget her own position as an examinee today. What a foolish Sister.
Yes, it is my sister, Kaede, who is in a bad mood, so she treats me as she please. Chasing after a her, I also rushed into the front door of the house and headed for the living room together. On the way, I saw my sister’s plastic bag.
“Wait, Don’t say… Did you just buy all flavor?”
“No, it’s them.”
I was wondering if it would be just trying the taste out rather than eating everything. Even though she have a small lunch box like a fool, just to improve her impression as a girl, But she always eat a lot in the morning and night. Perhaps her actual stomach is quite big.
When I was about to enter the living room, my sister who was walking in front stopped. I almost hit her, so I stopped too.
“Oi, You… Did you talk to that girl after that happened?”
That girl she mean is probably Natsukawa, who I brought home before. That was the first time my sister met Natsukawa. She’s been making a fuss about me having a woman I fell in love with for a long time, so maybe my sister is aware that it is Natsukawa.
I’ve been talking to Natsukawa fairly normally since her previous visit, so I somehow hesitated to answer honestly to my sister question. That’s why I reply her with a suggestive word.
“If you listened to the conversation at that time, you would understand without me saying, right?”
That day, I remember my sister and mother reaction after Natsukawa left. Since all of them are a woman, and the way both of them react into the love affair was not odd. I can’t forget their stunned face when I explained that I wasn’t in the same level to stand next to her.
I waited for the usual swearing, but my sister didn’t say anything and just went on silently.